


don’t mess with five

by forkflower



Series: the umbrella academy headcanons [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: allison is the best mom, au where they help vanya and don’t lock her up, ben is there!, five is a tired bean, five is done with their bs, five needs coffee, hinted allison and luther, klaus and diego fight like an old married couple, klaus needs to be protected, luther isn’t being problematic, the family goes to the mall, vanya is everyone’s impulse control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-24 02:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18160406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkflower/pseuds/forkflower
Summary: The boy felt a hard tap on his shoulder. “What the hell do you wan-“ He said turning around, face turning white with fear as he saw a group of adults looking at him as though they just killed their dog. Five looked over the boys shoulder to see his siblings, and smirked.or: the one where the gang goes to the mall, and some teens start messing with five. luckily he has six badass siblings to stick up for him.





	don’t mess with five

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my third fanfic! i fell in love with the idea of the gang defending five from strangers soo this happened:) check out other works in my series<3

When Five agreed to go out with the rest of his siblings, this was definitely not what he had in mind. ‘Let’s go to the mall,’ they said. ‘It would be fun,’ they said. Or more so Klaus said. Either way, he was already done with everyone’s bullshit, and they were only half an hour in.

“My tummy’s a rumblin’, let’s hop on over to the food court.”

“Jesus Christ, Klaus, just say that you’re hungry.”

Diego put his phone back in his pocket, and adjusted his walking pace so that he was behind Five and Vanya, a protective gesture as to make sure that nothing bad would happen to them. It was sweet.

Klaus had conjured Ben so that others could see him, and practice had shown him results. He could now do it with no problem and whenever he felt like. And so Ben joined in on their shopping trip, walking next to Klaus, who adjusted his leather jeans while saying, “I need Chick-fil-a. Let’s tell the love birds to meet us there. Five are you hungry, little bro?”

To which Five responded, rolling his eyes at the obscure nickname, “Yeah, uh- I... don’t really give a shit.” Vanya texted Allison to tell her and Luther to meet at the food court in five minutes. Klaus asked Ben something indecipherable, to which he shrugged his shoulders to. 

Diego spotted a large table for them to sit at, and waved over at Allison and Five who just turned the corner to come sit. Klaus sat down and pulled a seat out for Ben and Five to sit next to him, Diego on the other side of Five. 

“Hey guys,” Allison greeted, “What did you all want to eat?” She said it to everyone yet directed it towards Klaus and Luther, who were the pickiest eaters out of all of them. Vanya and Diego couldn’t care less as long as it tasted good, and Ben, well, doesn’t eat. But Allison and Five were content with anything.

“I’m craving Chick-fil-a. Oh, uh, Diego? Dearest? Honey? Brother of mine?” Klaus said, then innocently looked at Diego while batting his eyelashes. The other man sighed, and said reluctantly, “What do you want me to get you?”

Five drowned out all sound as he became distracted with his book. The chattering of strangers and bickering of his siblings faded away as he read about modern technological advancements. Have cars always looked... so ugly? He hasn’t really been updated with that sort of stuff though, and still can’t operate his new phone that Allison bought him. She said that since he looks like a thirteen year old now, nonetheless if he was actually 58, he was now vulnerable to creeps. It was thoughtful, but Five only used it to call his family.

“I’m just saying, when it comes down to it, Mcdonald’s is superior!” Klaus argued with Diego, which snapped Five out of his hazed state. “Luther, tell him. Isn’t it better than Burger King?”

Luther said, embarrassed, “I’ve never... had it.”  
Well, that made sense. He stayed with Dad when everyone else had left, so Mom cooked his meals. And there wasn’t exactly space Mcdonald’s on the moon for him to eat, either.

Diego snapped at his brother, “I’m not arguing about this, Klaus. Burger King is better. And it has onion rings!”

Allison and Vanya has both started ignoring the others conversation, and chatted amongst themselves about home renovation, or something. Ben listened to his sisters, smiling, nodding his head and saying something every once in a while. Five could tell that he was happy to be finally interacting with people other than Klaus, who was usually exhausting to be around for more than a few hours.

Five rubbed his eyes and yawned. Reading always did make him a bit tired. He stood up and stretched his arms, then got up from the table. Diego momentarily paused his disagreement to ask Five, “Where are you going, Five?”

“Getting some coffee. You all exhaust me.”

Klaus turned back to Diego, licking his ice cream cone that he had got for him. Luther sipped on his drink, preparing for what Klaus had to say next. “You know what Diego? Quality over quantity!” Klaus said, slapping the table dramatically. Diego rolled his eyes and responded, “Fine, sure. As long as we both agree that Moes is better than that Chipotlé crap.” “What?! how are we even relat-“

He was interrupted mid-sentence, when he heard a familiar voice yell, “Get the hell away from me!”

Klaus, Diego, and Allison whipped their heads toward the noise immediately. Luther, Ben, and Vanya followed suite. 

They saw at the Starbucks stand across the food court, Five being picked on between four boys, presumably 13-14. “Why the fuck are you actually talking to me? Leave me alone.” Five snapped at the guy in charge. 

And oh, we’re Klaus and the rest of the siblings mad. They all observed the scene from their table fifty feet away, turning bright red. It only took Ben to move to cause everyone to stand up simultaneously, starting to walk towards their littlest (but oldest) brother.

The big one pushed at Fives chest, and got up close to his face, saying, “And what are you gonna do if I don’t, faggot? Who do you think you are wearing that uniform, cutting me in line? Rolling your eyes at me?” Another one started tugging at the back of Fives collar, laughing.

Five snarled, “Not my fault you act like a monkey who had one too many mushrooms, dipshit.” One if the other boys said, “Excuse me? Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? You must be crazy.”

The six siblings were half way to the stand when Diego held his hand out in front of Luther and Klaus, bringing everyone to a stop. “Let’s see what he does.”

“You have no idea,” Five smiled menacingly. “Do you know who I am? How many people i’ve killed, what i’ve seen? Things that you could never conjure up in your walnut sized brain. So let me tell you this, if you don’t walk away right now, don’t say I didn’t warn you, asshole.”

The group leader took his finger off of Fives chest, and twisted his fist into Fives collar near his neck, lifting him off the floor an inch or two. The boy felt a hard tap on his shoulder. “What the hell do you wan-“ He said turning around, face turning white with fear as he saw a group of adults looking at him as though they just killed their dog. Five looked over the boys shoulder to see his siblings, and smirked. The three other kids stood, unable to move. 

And Five had to hand it to em’, turning around to see a man sporting scars on his head, a leather body suit, fingerless gloves, and a belt  
lined with different knives would be pretty scary. As well as a 6’5, genuinely huge and ripped man wearing an overcoat, two women with deathly, motherly stares, a guy with a look on his face as though he knew exactly what hell looked like (which Ben actually did), and another guy wearing heavy eyeliner and tattoo sleeve (that Klaus had just gotten!) standing dangerously close behind you.

The boy dropped Five, rubbing his neck, and walked towards his siblings who immediately stood protectively in front of him. Vanya asked him if he was okay, and Ben put an arm over his shoulders. “I’ll be fine after you take care of these dickheads.”

Klaus rubbed two boys heads and ruffled their hair a bit too roughly, wearing a shit-eating grin and saying, “Now what do we have here, ladies and gentlemen? A few little boys messing with our dearest baby brother!” The two kids stiffened, internally praying that they wouldn’t die today. Luther grabbed the main one by the sides of his shoulders, and squeezed him forcibly, yet not enough to leave bruises. Just enough to scare the lights out of him.

“Uh oh, Klaus. They can’t do that. I guess we have to do something to them now.” Diego said passive aggressively while smirking, grabbing two knives from his holster and rubbing them together close to the fourth kids ear.

Ben pinched Fives cheeks, and said without skipping a beat, bless his heart, “Nothing too bad, this time. My other hoodie still has blood stains on it from the guy who bumped into him at the store.” He must’ve learned to go along with these things from listening to Klaus ramble on everyday, and it sure did come in handy.

And oh, Five almost laughed at the look on the rotten kids face. They all looked like they had seen a ghost, their skin was pale white and the first one almost peed himself, he bet. 

But before mall security came in or they got banned from the mall, Vanya mumbled, “Luther.” He released the teenager from his death grip, and looked at Klaus to signal to him that it was time to stop playing around. Diego caught his gaze and put his two knives back in their places on his belt. Allison pushed Five to the four boys, almost giving him permission to give them a piece of his mind. She could kind of tell that he wanted to snap at them, he was practically shaking from behind Luther.

He leaned in real close to the first ones face, and whispered in his ear, “I told you, you’d regret messing with me. Don’t fuck with me, prick.” Then he simply just started walking away, back to the table. The rest of the Hargreeve siblings followed, Klaus turning around to the boys who still hadn’t moved to say, “Toodles, boys!” and blew them a kiss.


End file.
